Dark Times

Every one got their own trials and dark times in their life. During those times, you will feel tat all hope is lost and you are walking thru a dark tunnel where there is no way out. The worse thing is that you are going thru it alone…or at least that is how you feel…outwardly, you look as normal, but inwardly you r even struggling to comprehend what is going on and you even try your very best to believe everything that is going on…you don’t even believe in yourself in making any decision anymore because you feel as if you r walking in a bad dream n one day you will wake up a realized it is all a dream…or your state of mind make u believe that this is not happen to you but it is happening to others…in another words, you r living in denial…

That is just a bit on how I felt when I got the news about my mum’s tumor on the 9-10-07…it was on a Tuesday night when I got a frantic call from mom saying that she has to get admitted to General Hospital Malacca…ok, before I go further, let me brief you on how mom ended up in the hospital…and how my worse ordeal began…

Mom have been having speech problem for almost a year this year (2007). She began to stammer at first and gradually it became worse for her to even get one sentence out. I brought her to d local government doctor when I came back for my breaks. The doctors all told her that she has d symptoms of stress (during that time, mom was working in Salvation Army Boy’s Orphanage) and just gave her some vitamin supplement to take. After taking it about 6 months, her condition not only didn’t improve but instead it became worse. Then one day, around the month of September, she called me up (I was up in KL then) and cried over the phone. Apparently she is driving from Bukit Serindit after her exercise and all of the sudden her right side became numb and she couldn’t even moved a finger (she was driving then). So she stopped the car at the side of the road and tried to take out the car key, but she couldn’t even do that. She got panic and called me immediately. As I was talking to her, all of the numbness just disappears just the same way it came. So I just brush it off n assure her that it is probably nothing although that time I was really worried and frustrated because I don’t know what is wrong with her. I told her also that I will be back that weekend and we will go and see the doctor again.

So when I came back that week, we went to not only Peringgit Jaya clinic but also Ayer Keroh clinic as the first doctor just brush off mom as having low blood and stress symptoms. I even requested for the doctor to give mom a reference letter for a CAT scan as I was suspecting she is having a mild stroke due to her symptoms. But the doctor instead refuses and scolded us. Both doctors in both clinic told mom the same thing and they keep cutting mom, not giving her the chance to speak about her symptoms. So in the end, we just have to go back with those vitamin supplements that are given again. But as days go by and I was tied down with my schoolwork up in KL so mom’s condition was pushed out of my mind. But as her symptoms got worse, my uncle insisted that she goes to see a private doctor. So mom went to see Dr. Pang (my family doctor) and that happen on Tuesday evening (9-10-07). After seeing mom’s symptoms, Dr Pang immediately called my uncle and ask him to get mom admitted to the hospital as he was suspecting that mom had a mild stroke. He even wrote a reference letter requesting for a CAT scan to be done. Thank God that my uncle is in Malacca and I have my 2^nd bro still in Malacca.

That’s when mom called me up and told me that she needed to be admitted and that she needed me to come back that night itself. But I couldn’t as it was around 8pm when I got her call and I still needed to get permission from my coordinator and college to go back. So I tried calling my coordinator but failed because he switches off his hp and it was during the time to break fast for the Muslim. So I didn’t have a choice but wait till tomorrow morning. That night I couldn’t sleep at all and around 2am, mom called me and told that a neurosurgeon came and see her. He told her that she has a tumor on her left brain and it is quite big. When she told me that, something inside me just snap and I couldn’t believe it till my bro called me up and told me. I mean, my family means a world to me and getting such news, well, I didn’t take it very well. It is a huge different when such things happen to your own family and when you are there to support your friends who is going thru the very same thing.

The next morning, I went to see my coordinator but he told me I needed to see my principal. My principal only allowed me to be back for one day (that is Wednesday) and that I needed to be back to college for my class on Thursday. My Raya break was starting on Friday for one week. So on Wednesday, Audrey was so kind to drive me back all the way to Malacca. I’m entirely grateful to God for blessing me with such a wonderful sister and friend. We went straight to the hospital and see mom. The next day, at 5am, I headed back to KL with Audrey again just for my class before heading back to Malacca the very same day. I was exhausted physically and it was only by God’s strength that I was able to go thru all this.

will post abt hw God c me thru all in my other post...till then..stay tuned!